Critters and Spectacles

don't forget to floss, kids!

Dear Internets,

Today, I write to you to urge you to take care of your teeth. I’ve been proud these past few years that I haven’t had cavities or major dental procedures. I’ve been so proud of this that I didn’t feel the need to have dental insurance. “No, we don’t need to get that! It would cost more for the insurance than it would cost us to have two cleanings each every year! Foolish nonsense! Just don’t forget to floss, ok?” “OK.” Conversation done. Not so fast…

The last time I had a filling was, as mentioned above, several years ago. It was a big one, in one of my lower molars and there was a lot of drilling. And there was photographic documentation of the process: 1) before, with cavity; 2) the hole that was drilled into my tooth to remove the damaged tooth; and 3) after, with filling. I had these pictured tacked up to a bulletin board outside the bathroom so that I would remember to floss. But that was years ago! So I’m fine, right? Not so much.

When you have a big honkin’ filling like what I had, the remaining tooth surface is weaker. Imagine a donut… mmmmmm…. Donut... Ok, no, not a donut. But imagine that you remove the central part of a solid cylinder and replace it with a different material. Regardless of how great that new material is, it’s not exactly the same as the previous material, which now doesn’t have the same structural integrity. And when you combine that situation with oh, I don’t know, massive PSI forces of one who grinds her teeth a night (particularly when stressed) and you might just wind up with cracked tooth syndrome. [WARNING: click only if strong of stomach]

So, back to the bad man with the needles in my gums and the drill in my molar… It turns out that, while I can run a marathon after having barfed my guts out and scraping a couple of layers of skin off my hands and knee, I turn into a wee, fraidy, sissy girly ass when it comes to the man with the needles and the drill. I wanted drugs, lots of drugs, and enough to knock me unconscious (I actually wouldn’t have minded the B.A. Barakus anesthesia, but that wasn’t really an option). I got the following:
• topical anesthetic
• needle full of Novocain, shot into my gums
• nitrous oxide
• 800 mg ibuprofen
• 2 percocet

Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff! I also got to listen to my mp3 player, which helped a LOT. So, I’m back at work, with a temporary overlay on my tooth, having just recently regained the ability to control my face. My desk is a little damp, after my unsuccessful attempts to drink water and have soup for lunch, but I think it’ll survive. So, to sum up, brush twice a day, floss, use fluoride and don’t eat too much candy. Oh, and spring for the dental insurance. You’ll be thankful.